Ruminations may cause sleeplessness

I've been taking sleeping pills almost every night just so I can sleep. Not to mention my pain level is probably the highest it's been since we moved to AZ. I can't begin to explain every emotion, I can't explain why I can't sleep. I have friends I can talk to, I have family. Yet all I can think about is how embarrassed I am. How stupid and foolish this man has made me look.

I don't want to tell anyone what a fool I've been. I don't want anyone to know that I saw the signs, heard the whispered conversations, intercepted text messages. There were too many lies, too many explanations, and I was always right. Yet he made me feel like I was a suspicious shrew. I had every right to be though, didn't I? Why did I not heed my own gut feelings? I guess I wanted to be wrong. I wanted to believe that my husband was all mine. Guess I was right? Yet how could I be so right and so wrong at the same time?