Upside down

So my life is so upside down. Everything I have believed in for the last 10 years has been nothing but lies. I don't even know what was truth and what wasn't. Did T ever tell me the truth? Was anything he ever said to me real? Has he ever respected me to tell me an ounce of truth? I feel like such a fool. I've based my whole being on a man who has been lying to me for over 10 years.

Are the things he has told me about his past even truth? What do I believe? What should I believe? Can I ever believe anything he ever says again? Is trying even worth it if he is just going to continue to lie to me?

My heart aches and my feelings are raw. I'm scared, tired, anxious, worried, and confused. What should I be feeling? What am I feeling? I s there something wrong with me. that I'm NOT tearing him limb from limb? He has gone way beyond betraying my trust. He has neglected me, belittle me, disrespected me. I have given him everything and he has given me this hell! How can I forgive what he has done? He has made my life seem so meaningless and foolish. How could I have been so blind? How could I have let my husband treat me so poorly? So many questions and not an answer in sight. How do I even go about finding the answers? Do I even want them? How did I get here? How do I get out?