Are you an equal partner, do you know your worth?

I have been married for 13 yrs in July to a wonderful man. I married young and although I have few regrets I do have some, who doesn't. However they are trivial right now, it's my current marital concerns that are not. My dh is a GOOD person, he is fair, loving, great with people, and everyone says so. Now he is really all those things, just not to me . Ever since I became ill I've kind of become invisible. I used to believe he fell in love w/ me, Candace, the WHOLE person. I'm starting to realize that that is not necessarily true. When I was a size 4 and 120 lbs, we would got out and he would "show me off' to all and sundry. Then I thought it was cute, I even played along. Now it just seems childish, I was a possession, it was like I was a car. When he takes me out now, IF he takes me out he puts me in a dark corner and runs around socializing, coming back occasionally to check on me. He hides me, he's ashamed of his "broken" wife. Even when after the children had added some weight I still had worth to him because I was working. I made REALLY good money, so he showed me off as an asset but not as a partner. It's hard when you come to that realization that the love of your life does not see you. He only sees you when you are well, a possession or tool. I truly believe that the only thing he sees in me now is my ability to manage the finances, care for the children and read my way through the pain.

A tendency to dwell

I have what my dh calls worry-woritis. It is a recurring and annoying syndrome. I worry about the silliest crap, and the big stuff almost drives me insane. I know you are not supposed to sweat the small stuff, but the big stuff makes me dehydrated. To say I've been dwelling on alot of really big things is kind of redundant. Life has just not been any fun here. Our finances suck, Torrey and I have no visible type of relationship. I really wonder if I'm even still married, there's the ring but that's about the only physical connection I have to him. The stuff with Taty is up in the sir, tests upon tests that have to be performed. Then we have to wait for answers, it's all so frusterpating. And life in itself is just short of crummy, my eyes burn from lack of sleep and head aches from too much unneeded information. And still I pray because He may not answer when I ask Him too, but He will answer.