Weekends on your back, definitely suck

For those of you with interesting turns of the mind retrieve then from the gutter. I'm talking specifically about spending the weekend in bed because I injured my back on Thursday during a fall. Needless to say the fall aggravated my Fibro and now I'm in amounts of pain I find extremely uncomfortable.

I have a doctor's appointment at 12:45 and I plan to ask for some measures to be taking. I'm really tired of dealing with the amount of pain I do on a daily basis. I also need to see a Physical Therapist. If I could I'd like to be able to have a therapeutic massage every week. I know Tricare probably won't cover it but I really need it. I do know it's one of the few things that does help relax my muscles and promote healing in my already pain riddled body.

As far as the rest of life goes, well...... it goes. Marcel is doing very well. He brought his progress report home for the final qtr. and he has all A's and one B. very Nice! On Tatyanna we are still waiting to see specialists it's just a waiting game now. Her reading has definitely improved and now she is reading anything she can get her hands on. She is definitely like her mam w/ the books. I'm so excited for her, discovering the world of books is always exciting. Back in Ohio life spends out of control and I hear all my info second and third hand. That is very annoying but at least I get the info, right. My kid sister just signed on her house and I wait patiently to find out when my bro and my Dad are going to come down to visit us in our new home. My baby bro has already visited but his next visit is going to be a little longer hopefully. I always miss my family more than ever when I'm going through. There's no "real" no physical support, ya know. I could really use a sibling hug right now.

So everyone when life reaches a semblance of sanity I'm sure yall will be the first to know.

Are you an equal partner, do you know your worth?

I have been married for 13 yrs in July to a wonderful man. I married young and although I have few regrets I do have some, who doesn't. However they are trivial right now, it's my current marital concerns that are not. My dh is a GOOD person, he is fair, loving, great with people, and everyone says so. Now he is really all those things, just not to me . Ever since I became ill I've kind of become invisible. I used to believe he fell in love w/ me, Candace, the WHOLE person. I'm starting to realize that that is not necessarily true. When I was a size 4 and 120 lbs, we would got out and he would "show me off' to all and sundry. Then I thought it was cute, I even played along. Now it just seems childish, I was a possession, it was like I was a car. When he takes me out now, IF he takes me out he puts me in a dark corner and runs around socializing, coming back occasionally to check on me. He hides me, he's ashamed of his "broken" wife. Even when after the children had added some weight I still had worth to him because I was working. I made REALLY good money, so he showed me off as an asset but not as a partner. It's hard when you come to that realization that the love of your life does not see you. He only sees you when you are well, a possession or tool. I truly believe that the only thing he sees in me now is my ability to manage the finances, care for the children and read my way through the pain.

A tendency to dwell

I have what my dh calls worry-woritis. It is a recurring and annoying syndrome. I worry about the silliest crap, and the big stuff almost drives me insane. I know you are not supposed to sweat the small stuff, but the big stuff makes me dehydrated. To say I've been dwelling on alot of really big things is kind of redundant. Life has just not been any fun here. Our finances suck, Torrey and I have no visible type of relationship. I really wonder if I'm even still married, there's the ring but that's about the only physical connection I have to him. The stuff with Taty is up in the sir, tests upon tests that have to be performed. Then we have to wait for answers, it's all so frusterpating. And life in itself is just short of crummy, my eyes burn from lack of sleep and head aches from too much unneeded information. And still I pray because He may not answer when I ask Him too, but He will answer.