Pain I hate it

Pain I hate it.

Pain is so not cool. I have been sweating with it at about a 10 all over since about 930 pm AST. I’m sure my [pain threshold is gone and along with it my sanity. I feel as if someone dumped icy hot on me, made me sweaty, sticky and stuck sledgehammers on my joints at persistent rhythm. My poor husband has had to listen to me literally moan for an hour in which it had become quite unbearable. I sit here typing in grotesque amounts of pain because “at least” I said to myself “if I’m in this much pain mine as well be constructive.” So here I am.

I’m reading a fascinating yarn right now called The Naming by one Alison Croggon. She is a very detailed and spirited and writes in the lean of J.R.R.Tolkiein with a hint more of historical fact and more whimsial action. I picked it up because I have exhausted my stash of re-readables and my preferred authors are in between works. I prefer fantasy pieces on any stage. Although I will devour thee odd Sci-Fi, Biography, Romance or Mystery if it can keep my constantly running imaginative mind engaged.

Okay I’m getting to a nasty dizzy/on fire feeling spell again and must desist. But at least I could verbalize my anguish without waking the base or my family.

I'm sure I'm not sane...

You know we all have the point in our lives when we know our string is about to break and we are at wits end. Well… my string broke. No fraying, no tearing. No the fibers have definitely been severed from their original components. Now I’m just trying to figure out what the requirements are for having someone locked up. I feel so strange, food doesn’t taste right, and life seems kind of well over. For the first time in my life I feel like I’m living on borrowed time. And what may you ask brought me to such a happy conclusion? Well 2 things actually 1. I took my second ambulance ride, and it was so NOT fun. 2. I realized I’m in a one-way marriage.

Lets start with number one. Basically my Fibro lost its mind and the pain paralyzed me. All my muscles locked up, and I felt like someone had set all my nerves on fire. The pain was so intense that when the paramedics asked me on the pain scale 1 to 10 where my pain was. I said 20, LOL. It wasn’t funny then and I was so alone, really. I had to call my neighbors to call the ambulance. Which was not my first choice but she couldn’t move me, at least not without me screaming. Which takes us to number 2.

The husband was nowhere to be found. He had left the house a couple hours earlier and left his cell in his car. So he stayed out all night never calling to check on me. Let me say I was at a 10 when he left the house, which he knew; and he left the house anyway. So he came back at 6 in the morning and the ambulance thing and our kids seeing me get into an ambulance was like no big thing for him. So I’m no big thing anything more, he hasn’t even tried to make it up to me. He’s said sorry once, maybe twice with any kind of feeling. I don’t know I think I’d never feel like I could say I was sorry enough. Okay the hands have decreed that I stop typing so I will. Of course there is more to this saga but my hands are like not today maybe tomorrow.