Rightfully concerned

I'm concerned. I'm afraid that my husband is luring me into a false sense of trust. I really do believe that he is sorry for being such an a**hole. I think thought that it would be easier to believe in his sincerity if he wasn't trying so hard.

I've believed his lies for so long that I'm extremely wary of further deceit. It all comes rushing back to this trust issue. As much as he thinks I didn't trust him. ( I know now it was because he didn't deserve it) I truly did and he made me look like a fool. He made us all look like fools. I don't know who I should feel sorrier for, myself or all his exes. Exes, that still blows me away. My husband had girlfriends for a good part of our marriage. what was I waiting around for?

As I read all the self-help books they stress the importance of coming clean. Of how talking about the gruesome details, getting past the affairs detail will help you heal. What I don't understand is how talking about my husbands ability to frequently AND with out remorse be dishonest AND disrespectful to our marriage, me. How could that possibly help me/us heal. It's like saying that pouring salt into a wound will make it feel better. Although now that I think about it. it's probably more like pouring alcohol on a wound. it's going to hurt like HELL but it will also clean and prevent infection. At least I hope that's what it means.