I guess I'm Due

Well I haven’t posted in a minute so I guess I’m due. I do really like blogging it’s just that typing is such a pain for me with the Fibro. However I’m doing really well with IT. You know I’ve figured out that my mental attitude towards being disabled has changed A LOT. I still feel quite crappy 80% of the time, but I continuously tell myself that I’m still here and it’s NOT that bad. Yes it hurts like HELL but it’s not half as bad as it could be. Cleaning, housework and shoot anything is still like climbing a mountain but now it’s a mountain I know I can scale if not reach the top. I guess it’s like finding the right hand holds when mountain climbing. You spend quite a bit of time deliberating on the right ones because you don’t want to make a miscalculation and fall. So far I’m still doing a lot of deliberating before I find the right choices. I don’t think I’ve found all the right combinations yet of work and rest but I’m determined to one day use my HT certification. I want to be back in a lab, even if it’s only part-time. Right now though there is one song right now that stays with me everyday. When I wake up in the morning and it hurts to get to the bathroom. When I can’t go to sleep because the pain is unbearable. When I fight myself on finishing a task or on taking pain meds to make it thru. And let me tell you I HATE pain meds, they make me Loopy and I can’t participate as a family member. Pooey on that I’d rather have the pain, at least they can see me smile. When all this is there I say I’m still here I can get back up and Stand.

SO my song right now is Stand by Rascal Flatts. It’s the epitome of being somewhere you don’t want to be and saying okay but…. I’m not down.