Can we get any more complicated

As if I'm not already bothered by my well being and how my physical conditions affect my family now my mind is coming back to haunt me.

In December of 2006 I spent about 6 days in a Mental Ward. It was a very mild visit, more like a mini vacation. I had had a mental collapse. I was so wrecked, I couldn't figure out who I was. It was very quiet and I really think it was the best thing I ever did for my self. I knew I needed help and that I was overwhelmed. I knew Torrey (my dh) couldn't help me, so I did what I thought was right. I learned a lot about the way I think and why. I learned how to change my thought patterns and to stop making every ant hill, into a mountain.

Now we are facing the possibility that we won't be able to go to England. The doctor's in England believe that I am still un-stable. My therapist here thinks otherwise and has very wonderfully written a very detailed letter to that effect. We spent the afternoon, T and I, running back and forth between my therapist office and the base hospital. So now we wait and see what the England doc's think of my therapist's letter.

She was great, she really is in our corner and it has been wonderful working with her. She's helped me see that just become I'm disabled it doesn't mean I'm useless or incapable of great things. I've just had to find new ways to be creative. I can't dance anymore but I can crochet, I can't do Histology but I can quilt. I'm even going to trying writing some children's books. Who knows?

I am trying to be very optimistic. I'm looking at the whole picture, putting a lot faith into my therapist ideas of me and that the England Base Hospital docs can see past my past and give us a chance to explore the world.

And once again....

So T, my husband, has re-submitted our medical clerance paperwork. Now we play the waiting game again. I hope and pray it does not take another month to get the stuff back. There is so much stuff we have to finish doing. All of which we CAN NOT do without our hard copies (final copies of our orders).

On a better note I have most of my grandmother's afghan finished. I will be sure to post a picture of it when it's complete. Marcel has been helping me with some of the piecing and embroidery. I've had to take quite a few breaks but it's mainly because of the fibro. I can only work on it when my back and hands are "happy". The good thing is that it's mostly piecing and embroidery, with a few squares left to complete.

Finally a treat for those of you that I don't know who possibly read my blog. I have new school pics of my kiddos.
Marcel-10

Tatyanna- 6

And the two of them

Can you believe it? One my kids are HUGE and second these are school pictures! School pictures.... why couldn't have my school pics have looked like these.

The Things I Keep Putting Off- THBC Post #1

Well let's see....

10. Moving all my books off the window sill.

9. Helping the kids clean the hamster cages.

8. Drinking more water.

7. Finishing Taty's dress for my sister's wedding and all the other projects I need to finish before the move. Not entirely my fault.... my work space is a disaster. Torrey moved everything to paint and has not replaced it.

6. Exercising again not my fault. You can't exercise when you can't get out of bed.

5. Cleaning my room.... again. That is forever a put off.

4. Planning the kids last big get together with their bf's.

3. Cleaning the bathrooms, OMG they are horrendous!

2. Getting out of the house at least once a day. Again not ALWAYS my fault, car time is at a premium and I'm not walking with the moose running around.

1. Making sure I get enough rest every night and not worrying about the move.

I'm sure there's more I procrastinate until I have no choice...

Getting a little antsy

Okay I'm starting to get a little antsy. My count down says something like 20-something days. However we still are very order-less. Torrey put in for a 2 month extension but we have to continue as if we leave the base on the 11th. So as of right now I am of 2 minds. In the first scenario we get our orders no extension and rush around like mad to get off this base by the 11th of May. Second scenario we get our extension and I rush around like mad to get everything ready for Torrey to leave the base mid June. Either way I'm going to be rushing. I just get about 10 more days with the second scenario. Either way me and the kiddos will be leaving in May. I'm excited but a little apprehensive as well. See I can't seem to shake this feeling of dread that I won't get everything done in time. I'm not sure what to pray for the extension or just to get out of here without to many more problems.

Okay so I'm really starting to have some issues with these military people. As if I never was one... anyway our medical clearances are STILL not back, which means still NO orders. It look like it's going to come down to putting in another extention. And that's IF they let us have one! I'm getting very frustrated T's stressed and now his knee is out. There is soooo much stuff to do until they get us out of here it's not even close to funny. The only thing I keep telling my self is that AK is almost out of my system and my kid-sisters wedding is coming up. Which is another thing I have about a million craft things to do before we leave and my craft area is a shambles from painting in there. Okay BREATHE!....... never mind, whatever!

Interestingly Enough

I was sitting here trying to get ready for bed, and I became preoccupied. I got lost in my thoughts about tomorrow. I'm having a pelvic ultrasound tomorrow. They are trying to find out if I'm going into premature menopause, Now I'm kind of okay with that, I'm done procreating, no more children from this oven. It's just that I'm worried about the procedure and procedure's usually don't bother me. For some reason, I'm pre-occupied with the thought that it's more than that. Like I need anything else to be wrong with me, but that just seems like a excuse. Like it's too simple and yet I want it to be that simple. I'm a complete mess.

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Frustration and resentment

Frustration for me is like meaning to be supportive and failing due to my desire for survival. Where am I going with this Well I'm frustrated with my husband who isn't right?But he seems to want everyone else's approval before mine I thought it was if I'm not happy no body's happy. But it's not like that, I'm told that, this is the way it's supposed to be. But it is rarely that way, I always have to compromise, no one else just me. I think I'm ready to be done. I'm tired of sacrificing all the time, and for what. For someone else to tell me how I should "trust" my husband because he's "with" you. Like you are so wonderful that I shouldn't be worried. I'm sorry, but I've been led astray too many times and I'm tired of B.S. I have had enough either what I feel is important or it isn't. Make up your mind hubby, don't let other people make it for you.

note I wrote this in Feb- but got lost in the puter

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